Chapter 12

“She had nothing to look forward to. Each day might be her last. If it wasn’t, then it might be the next day,” the nurse said after I finished the chapter, her voice shaking. “But you changed that. You gave her something to look forward to. She wanted the week to quickly pass, just so she could see you when Saturday comes.” She took a deep breath and turned to me. “Why’d you do it?” she asked.
“Do what?”
“Why did you pretend to be a friend of hers, and visited her so frequently? She was just a stranger, right?”
I nodded, in response to her question. “I don’t know…”

While waiting for her operation, Reika talked to her. She was quite surprised that the girl was talking to her. But she soon understood that the little girl’s words weren’t for her, but for me. It was her final words, her last song. The nurse shared her last message to me.

Reika was always ready to die. She acted coldly to everyone, even the nurse, so that she doesn’t build any ties with anyone. She knew that if people got close to her, they will be saddened when she dies. Looking forward to something is not something a person, who’s knows she will die anytime, should do. That’s what she believed.

I was the one who changed her. I visited her; not as a volunteer; not as a doctor; nor a family member. I was simply a stranger just entered her life. She wondered why I was visiting her, a stranger who didn’t even act friendly toward me.
But as she wondered, a part of her wished for me to continue coming. She started looking forward to our next meeting.

She let go of those desires when I stopped visiting. And when she saw me again, she didn’t want to expect anything anymore. But I intruded into her life again, making her give in to the desires she once let go of.

To be able to look forward to tomorrow, she knew she had to take the operation. But in order not to have any regrets, she asked me to watch the fireworks with her. It was bad luck that her body gave in that time.

But she didn’t want to wait anymore. She didn’t want to die without trying to live. That’s why she didn’t postpone the operation. For the first time in her life, she was afraid of dying.

“I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself over what happened. She was very thankful that you gave her such a wonderful memory that night,” the nurse weakly smiled. “When she decided to take the operation, rather than being prepared to die, she was prepared to live.”
“But if I just minded my own business, she would still…” I couldn’t continue due to the lump in my throat. I knew it was alright to cry. But I didn’t want to do it in front of her. I looked at the girl, sleeping peacefully in front of me. “Was she… really happy?”
“I’m not sure,” was her answer. “But don’t you think not knowing the answer is enough?”
“It’s not fair.” I guess I just wanted some kind of justification in what I did. Without knowing, I could only keep on blaming myself.

Her smile suddenly flashed in my mind. I remembered her writing her name on my hand. I remembered her soft, angelic, laugh.

I realized why Reika told me her name at that moment. It was to show me that she accepted me as her friend - one who will be by her side if she lives. She knew that if she dies, as her friend, I will cry for her. But I think she wanted me to carry that burden. She wanted someone to cry for her. It was her final request from me. Her final act of selfishness.

“Reika…” I muttered to myself. I finally understood why Nee-san spends so much time in the hospital… It was all for the smile of the person we’re there for. Everything I did was for her happiness.

Before the nurse left, I answered her question earlier – why I visited her so often, despite her being just a stranger.

“It was simple,” I felt a tear drop roll down my cheek. “I just wanted to take care of my rose.”




When Yuu muttered the name "Reika", he was reminded of the characters that formed the name: Beautiful Flower. He realized she was his rose.